Behind the curtain
by violetsuki
Summary: Behind the curtain of the memory are hidden our fears, our joys, our doubts… would you have the curiosity to move aside the curtain of Hephaistion's souvenirs ?
1. Behind the curtain

**And Happy New Year 2015 to all ! That this new year brings you Love, Health, Prosperity and Creativity. Be yourself and be happy !**

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**Behind the curtain** is the title of a series (taken from the title of the first chapter). The topic is the tale of short moments in the life of Hephaistion. It is not historical at all, you know. Just silly short stories who cross my mind from time to time. I already wrote six stolen moments. I did that just for fun and I will complete the series following my inspiration.

We have a proverb in France : « Pour vivre heureux, vivons caché » (Jean-Pierre Florian, Fables) that I can translate by :  
« To live happy, live hidden ». This was the start of this little fantasy.

In a way the Ariadne's thread of these short stories is what is hidden behind the curtain of our memories : our fears, joys, doubts, moments of intimacy, etc…

I hope you will enjoy it. Don't forget my reward : your review ! Without them I can't survive. ;D

Now it is your turn to move aside the curtain…

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**_BEHIND THE CURTAIN_**

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_My dear best friend !_

_My name is Hephaistion Amintoros, I am eight years old. I don't know you. Nor who you are, or where you live. But, what I know is that I shall meet you one day. Like me you will be a boy, and I hope you shall have the same age than me. I want to write this letter for you that I don't know yet. Like that you will learn who I was before the day of our encounter._

_One day we shall meet and at the moment our eyes will cross, I shall know that you will be the most important person for me : my best friend. But first let me present myself and my family._

_It is not so easy to describe myself but I will try. I am tall for my age. I take it from my father. At least, it is all the people say about me. Cause of that, often they treat me like if I was older. Sometimes it is nice, but sometimes too I would like to be treated for who I am. Just an eight years old boy. _

_I don't really remember my mother. She died when I was a little boy. Every body says that she was the most beautiful person on Earth. Sometimes, some ghost memories haunt me. I feel on my cheek like a caress. A light and white hand who slides on my hair. Sweet lips that smile and whisper, I can't hear the voice but I imagine that this one was soft and gentle. Another image : Serious blue eyes like mine who look at me with love and sadness like a farewell._

_Often my father says that I have the eyes of my mother. I smile and hug him tight to hide my embarrassment in seeing the tears in his eyes. _

_My father calls Amyntas. He is tall as I said and well build. He is strong and the most beautiful man I have ever seen in my life. He has 25 years old. He has long hair and green eyes. I have never met my grandparents. They were dead during the great decease before my birth. So I have, from now, only my father. But you know I am not unlucky contrary to what it seems. I am surrendered with so much love : my father, my nanny and all the people living on the domain. My father has inherited some richness from his parents and we have servants and slaves to make the duties on the lands and to play with me. _

_Our house is really big. At least, it is for me. You enter in a short hall who lead to a peristyle : a square place edged by marble columns ; and, in the middle of this one an oliver tree. The rooms are organized around this courtyard. First, at the entrance, to the left the andrôn, where as you can think we receive the guests and to the right the library. Then, following the andrôn, a hall on the left who drives you to the kitchen and the storeroom. If you continue to follow the peristyle, come after some bedrooms then my favorite room : a private thermae. _

_After we came back from Athens, my father decided to build a bath room. Living far from a city, he missed the comfort we had in Athens. My father is really a genius and he has imagined a way to bring the water from the river near the house to supply in water the bath. It is amazing ! Each room is decorated with mosaics dedicated to Gods or Goddess. My room is dedicated to — don't laugh, please ! — Aphrodite. Dad said that it was my mum who chose. So I do with that. But I would prefer Zeus or Hephaistos. I am not Paris after all. _

_By the way, do you like Homer's Illiad ? The last year before we leaved Athens, my father met a lot of philosophers like Xenocrate and Aristotle. And one of them gave him the book. Often when my father is in mission and I miss him, I read the book. I like the story of Achilles and Patroclus. Maybe when we shall met we can play to Achilles and Patroclus. It would be nice ! Sometimes, I feel a little bit alone, you know. And it would be a dream to have a friend with whom I could share all my thoughts and my play._

_My father owns a lot of horses. He learnt me to ride before I could even walk. At least it is what he always said with such pride to every body who is amazed by my ability. But, my father worked too for the king Philip. Sometimes, he leaves for some missions. And cause of his duty, my father and me were obliged to live in Athens during a long time. I discovered again the Macedon only when I was seven._

_What kind of job my father does for the king, stays a mystery even now. All I know, it's that must be dangerous because more than once he came back home wounded. He never said a word about what is happened to him. But I could see the ghosts in his eyes and the sadness like the joy too sometimes. Each time I asked him what it is happened, he looked at me and smiled without a word. He pated my hair and kissed my forehead. And he added : « I just do my job ». I understood at this moment, it was useless to ask for more. My father has his secrets. His job was not the only one._

_Some day ago, my father had a guest. This one arrived home in the night. It was really late but I was looking the stars at my bedroom's window. You know, I like looking at the stars and trying to imagine what it could be to be a God. It is my dream, you know, to meet a God. Yes, a wonderful dream ! Anyway ! So the guest !…_

_I was distracted from my revery by the sound of a horse. It was not usual so I stay quiet and silent. You know in case it was some robber or some other danger. I wanted to be sure before to warn every one in the house. I heard a door, a whisper in the night. And the silence. I was so surprised and so curious that I decide to go and see. Like a cat I head to the enter. And hidden behind some furniture I could see my father and a stranger._

_This latter grabbed my father by his arms and took him in a strong and manly hug. Cause of the way he acted, I thought : it must be a good friend of my father but I have never seen him before. I heard my father said with some emotion and astonishment : « Philip ? What do you do there ? And alone? It is too dangerous and… ». The man cut him : « I don't care. I wanted to see you. You will leave soon again and I couldn't wait to see you anymore. » At this moment, the man took the head of my father between his hands and kissed him on his lips like if they will never have another chance to do that again._

_I look at the two men, mouth opened like a fish. So shocking ! I feel my face grew red. I never saw my father to kiss anyone. I felt guilty to be there and look at something I didn't have to see. But, in me two feelings fought : the shame and the curiosity. This last one was the vanquish._

_Philip, the friend of my father continued to kiss him. My father tried to push him in saying : « Philip, please, stop. My son… my son is here. He can hear us. » But Philip chased his last resistance in saying that I must be deeply asleep._

_What happen next was really strange. Philip was a short man but seemed to be really strong. He put the body of my father on his right shoulder and lead himself to the andrôn. My father protested about this treatment. Asking to Philip if he was already drunk and saying in laughing he was not one of his concubine. Philip just answered in giving a tap on the buttocks of my father, saying that he was like a horse that needed to be tamed. The answer of my father let me open mouth : « And how does my King hope to do that ?… »._

_My King ? My king ! This man is the King of Macedon and the friend of my father ! I was so excited. The King was in my home ! But, wait ! I wonder, if the King is my father's friend, maybe he is a little bit my friend too. I have to ask to my father._

_My father has always spoke about the King with pride. The Gods endow him with an uncommon force. He said that « Philip » was a great King, wise and moderated. Yes, I remember now that he always called him like that. Telling fabulous stories about battles they have done together and how Philip was really smart in revolutionizing the art of war, making the Macedon stronger against their enemies. _

_He said too he was a good man and a good father who loves his son and heir Alexander. I wonder how old is the prince. It would be nice if he has my age. Maybe I could be his friend like my father and the King. But I shouldn't like this one kiss me on the mouth. Ahh ! Disgusting !_

_I wanted to see more about the King and I dare to approach the door of the room closed by a curtain. I was about to move aside the thick curtain. I let my hand in abeyance in hearing a strange moan, then the voice of my father in a strange tone pleading Philip. My heart beat so strongly in my chest. I felt something was wrong but I couldn't understand what. I was excited and afraid to continue my move and to discover what was hidden behind the curtain._

_Slowly I moved aside the curtain, when a hand retained me. I raised my head to discover Pelias the servant of my father. He put a finger on his lips and brought me in the kitchen. Without a word he helped me to sit on a chair and put on the table a glass of milk. Then he sat beside me waiting my question. I know I was wrong, but I asked accusing why he stopped me. He said : « Curiousity is a good thing Little Master, but some things must stay hidden. » Pelias like my father always spoke in a mysterious way. Then I asked him if he knew what was happening in the room. He didn't say anything. He only smiled and put a hand on my shoulder adding that I have to go to bed. _

_You know, I hate when adults did that. It is sssooooo irritating. I would like we make a promise to never hide anything to each other. And to always share everything… _

Alexander stops his reading, hesitating between laugh and emotion. He turns his head to the bed where a naked body was spread and lied flat on his stomach. He approaches and joins his forsaken lover on the mattress. He can't help himself to cling to Hephaistion hugging him by behind and to slide a leg between these ones. The young man assaulted in this tender way, opens his eyes and can't retain a whispered complaint :

« Please Alex ! Not now. I am so exhausted I can't even raise a finger. My hips and my back ache like hell. »

And as soon as, not waiting for an answer, he closes his eyes again.

Alexander doesn't answer, just puts a light kiss on the shoulder and reads aloud a passage of the letter :

« I wonder how old is the prince. It would be nice if he has my age. Maybe I could be his friend like my father and the King. But I shouldn't like this one kiss me on the mouth. Ahh ! Disgusting ! »

At the reading, a sleeping Phai opens his eyes with surprise and blushes :

« What ? »

« I don't know if you find my kisses disgusting yet, but for what it is to be « friend » like…my father and yours, I think I fulfill your wish tonight. »

« Where did you find this ? »

« I wanted to read your Illiad, I take it and it felt from the book »

« Oh ! »

« By the way, you are wrong. Your mum had a good taste for your room. »

Then he whispers seductively in the ear of Hephaistion :

« In this ambiance, I feel really a husband, the day of his wedding, deflowering his pretty spouse on their first night under the kindly gaze of Aphrodite. »

Alexander laughs in seeing his lover turning as red as a beetroot and avoids the pillow he sends to him.

« Silly idiot ! »

Alexander smiles tenderly at the answer. But he can't stop to tease his so new lover and adds :

« Do you think your father hear us ? I didn't know you were so noisy. »

The face turns red even more and Hephaistion takes his head in his hands in complaining in shame :

« Oh Gods ! I hope no or I shall not be able to face him ».

As an answer to Alex's question, Pelias enters in the room and says :

« Your bath is ready Little Master »

« Oh ! Thank you ! But… I didn't ask for anything »

« Oh ! It is your father, he said to me that after the night you have passed, you will need a hot bath. »

Alexander bursts out in laugh while Hephaistion hides himself under a pillow saying that he would like to die.

Pelias adds almost mysteriously :

« I think you know now what was hidden behind the curtain. »

And without waiting for a response he leaves.  
At this moment, he realizes. Yes, Hephaistion has the answers to all his questions now. Looking at Alexander, he understands.

Sometimes, some things must stay hidden behind the curtain… to last.


	2. Painful love

In life, there is fun or sad moments. This one is a sad moment in which Hephaistion shares with us some feeling like : how much painful it is to love a King…  
Enjoy !

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_**PAINFUL LOVE**_

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_« __How can you be so arrogant to believe Alexander could be only yours ? Are you so naive ? »_

_My father said as he went in the room back and forth. _

_« He is a prince, Hephaistion. And he will become a king one day. »_

_He stopped in front of me and put his hands on my shoulders._

_« You will have to keep a cold head and put aside this stupid jealousy, if you want to last in the royal court. The King Philip has more than one wife or lover in his life. You have to accept that it will be the same for Alexander ; or it will be your doom. »_

_« But I love only him. Only him Father ! To a point that it hurts ! To a point that I can't breathe ! » Hephaistion answered with tears in his eyes._

_Amyntas took his teenage son in a tight hug to comfort him, brushing his hair like when he was a boy._

_« I know my son. I know »…_

The words of my father make a painful echo in my heart as I look at Alexander kissing Bagoas. Yes I look, hearing the acclamations of the crowd, the lazy of my companions. I raise my cup like the others but my heart bleeds and all of sudden, a forgotten image comes back to my memory…

_I was nine years old. I was home. I was excited this night. My father had some important guests. The king came with some companions. And Dad had agreed that I pass a moment with his friends. They came to hunt. But tonight they will feast. _

_My nanny had some difficulties to comb me. I was so excited and impatient to see the King again._

_« Be quiet Little Master. How could I comb you if you don't stop to budge ? »_

_« But I want to go »_

_« Not before you are ready. Don't you want to make proud your father ? »_

_With a sigh, I stayed quiet knowing I couldn't win._

_« Ok, Nanny ! __» With a so desperate tone that made laugh this one. __« __But, please Nanny, hurry up ! »_

_« If you would stop to twist and turn, I should have already finished »_

_As soon as I was ready I leaved the room in running followed by some recommandations of care from Nanny._

_Arrived at the andrôn, I stopped at the door. I could hear inside the men laughing and joking. I entered calmly in the room. The King was sit on a couch near him a man with black hair. He seems to be __a little bit __younger than my father. The King grabbed the young man behind the neck and brought him close to kiss him on the lips. I couldn't help myself to blush. I looked at my father who observed the two men in silence. His smile erased slowly. My father turned his gaze away and I could see just for a tiny moment a painful light in his eyes…  
I remember how my joy to see the King faded at this moment._

From time to time, this scene has come back to my memory. And often I wondered what my father had felt. But not anymore. Closing my eyes on the view of my King and his eunuch, I whisper like a painful prayer :  
_« I know Father. I know »._


	3. Soft revenge

_Sometimes, behind the hate something hides._  
Enjoy !

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_**SOFT REVENGE**_

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I was ten years old. I run. Yes I was running on the path and through fields to join my home. I run to flee the humiliation I have endured. My heart is full of anger and sorrow. Some tears run along my cheeks but I didn't care. I run, ignoring the worried calls of Nanni in passing in front of my home. I didn't want she saw me like this. I had my pride.

I run again and again until, exhausted, I fell on my knees. Unable to make a pace anymore. My heart beat in my chest like if it was ready to explode. I panted, trying to find my breath. But, the pain of breathing couldn't erase the pain of my heart.

I didn't understand why this boy hated me so much. At school him and his band bullied me. Each time I fought harder than the previous time. But each time he beat me again. Each time they mocked me and said that I was weak, that I fought like a girl. I sweared I will show them that I was not weak, that I was not a girl, that I could beat him. I will have my revenge. I will never allow anybody to beat me again.

I stood up and leaded to a little house close from my place. A man was there, working. I sat on the stone bench placed side by side to the wall. The man said nothing he continued to work a time and stopped. He took a tissue and wiped his hand with, in looking at me in silence. He threw the tissue on a wooden table near. Then, coming close to me, he took my chin in his big and rough hand. Looking at the bruises on my eyes and body, the blood of my lips, he just said :

« Again ? »

I just nodded to answer. He sighed.

« Ok you win. I will teach you. But I prevent you, I am not tender. You have to be disciplined and serious. I don't like shirker. If your father agree you will live with me during your training. »

I nodded in response looking with gratitude Tyndare. I knew his lessons will be tough. But father said to me that he was the best professor he has never had. He was a spartan. Despite his age, he was so strong yet. I always had some admiration for him. The man was built like a bull. Father said he saw him fought in battle long time ago, his big stature frightening his foes. Father said he was so strong than he could lift up a man with one hand.

So I start my training. Tyndare was right, he was not tender. After training with him, I was sure I could endure anything. Some months later, I return to school, the boy and his band attacked me again. But this time things had changed. I was not weak anymore. I was prepared. This time I beat him. The other boys were so shocked, they stayed silent while I left, letting my enemy on the ground. After that nobody dared to call me a girl again.

Some days later, I was on my way home when I heard a noise in the trees along the path. I stopped to look. To my surprise it was the boy. He came close to me and looked at me without a word. In front of his odd attitude, I asked :

« What do you want ? »

He never answered, he took my head between his hands and kissed me hard on the lips. Taken by surprise by his boldness I dealt with him. My brain was frozen, I couldn't react. As soon as the kiss was over he fled. I could feel the red on my cheeks, the blood's beat of my lips under my fingers. It was my first kiss and the last bruise he gave to me. A pleasant one. Three years older than me, he left the village to join the army. After this kiss, I never saw him again.

Until today !

Sat at my desk, I try to hide my surprise in looking at the man standing in front of me : The boy. This one is not a boy anymore. He became a handsome man, who reminded me Tyndare in a way. On his face some scars, but these ones add some charm and increase his virility.

Unconsciously, mirroring the last time we met, I ask :

« What do you want ? »

To my shame, I can't help myself to blush in saying that. I curse myself to react like a woman. So I lower my head to avoid his gaze but not fast enough. I can saw a smile on his lips. He too remembers. I tighten my lips with irritation. Generally I never show any weakness in front of my men. So certainly not with him.

« General Cleitos sends you a message. »

He holds out the letter to me. I take it, read and write my answer. I hold out the letter to the man. In taking the letter, he strokes my fingers with his owns. I swallow in feeling the heat of his skin against mine. I don't look at him. To hide my trouble as soon as he has the letter, I pretend to work on my papers in saying :

« Bring my answer to General Cleitos. »

And without waiting for an answer, I concentrate on my works erasing this moment from my memory. Some minutes pass in silence, when I feel a presence close to me. A hand lift up my chin. Surprised by the gesture, I just look at him with questioning.

« You're the only one who never beat me. And you're the only one with whom I never fall in love. »

He bows to me and stoles me a kiss again. This time it is not the kiss of a boy. He forces my mouth to open for him. Crossing the gate of my lips, he enters and invades me with his tongue. For a time intoxicated with his male smell, I surrender. Letting him savor and take all he wants. Feeling my body react shamelessly. But with a burst of conscious, I fight back and free myself, panting. Looking at him with anger. As if it was nothing, he smiles to me and says :

« When you will be tired of Alexander, I shall be there. »

Then he leaves the room. Alone, I can't help myself to smile in front of his boldness and arrogance. And from the back of my brain a little voice says :

« Why not ! »


	4. Recognition

A sequel of Soft Revenge.

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_**RECOGNITION**_

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Hephaistion wakes up. He moves and winces in pain. His last activities let him stiff and exhausted. He feels unable to move, his muscles heavy. He turns his head to the man asleep close to him. He doesn't smile in looking at him. It was a mistake. Why did he agree to that ?

He forces himself to sit. His lower body aches like Hell. This man is a real bull. He will not be able to ride today. He feels a strong and muscular arm wrap his waist but he rejects it and gets up. The man lying on the bed lets fall his arm. His head leaning on his fist he looks at Hephaistion with serious eyes. This latter takes a silk robe and wraps it around his body. His companion sees how his officer tries to avoid his gaze. Something is wrong.

« What ? »

Without looking at his companion, Hephaistion answers coldly :

« I am sorry. It was a mistake. »

« A mistake ? »

The soldier gets up naked and comes close to Hephaistion. This latter is tall but the soldier even more. He forces him to look at him and adds with harshness :

« When was it a mistake ? When I fucked you thoroughly, while you shouted your pleasure, asking me for more ? When I buried my seed deep inside you at the moment you reached your extasy until to pass out ? Say me Hephaistion ! »

This one blushes and tightens his lips, between anger and shame. He tears himself away from the other man and orders with irritation :

« Don't be so vulgar ! »

« That's right, I am vulgar. I am just a simple soldier not a noble like you. But at least I am not a liar ! You liked it. At least, recognize it ! »

« What difference if I recognize it or not ! That stays a mistake. »

Looking intensively Hephaistion, the soldier stays in silence for a while then he adds calmer :

« I know that you love Alexander. And I don't ask you to stop loving him. But don't reject me. Keep me by your side. »

« To make you suffer like Alexander does with me. »

He says, his eyes becoming teary.

« I can't. I can't ask you that. It is too painful. »

The tall man sighs and takes in his arms Hephaistion.

« You can't take the pain of the whole world on your shoulders. »

He tightens his embrace, holding the young officer as if afraid to lost him. The soldier knows he has to fight to keep the man he loves.

« Do you remember when we were boys ? »

« How can I forget ? You were a real bastard with me. »

The big man smiles.

« I know. I was in anger with you. »

« What ? Why ? I had never done anything to you. »

« Exactly ! That's the reason. »

« What ? »

Hephaistion is confused.

« You didn't done anything to me. You didn't even looking at me. I was invisible to your eyes. You were so different of the other boy. Beautiful, intelligent, elegant, proud. The son of our Lord. On my side, I was just the son of a peasant. I wanted you to remark me. But I didn't worth it. At least it was what my father said. I hated you for that. To beat you was the only way I have found to be someone in front of you. To be recognized by you. »

Hephaistion is taken aback by his words. He never imagined… The man continues.

« You were like a God for me. Inaccessible ! When you beat me, I was lost. I realized my feeling for you. I was afraid and fled in the army. When I stoled you a kiss, I wanted to give you something that none other before me had given you. Something that you will keep and remember forever. I was the first I know. »

He said with a nostalgic smile.

« When I kissed you this day, I thought that I should never see you again. During all these years, I never forgot you. You were there… »

In showing his heart with his fist.

« …always. I carried you in me everywhere I went. Sometimes wishing that Death will come to bring me in the kingdom of Hades. My life without you was like a desert. A soil arid and barren. So imagine what effect made on a thirsty man your presence when you arrived in the army. You were my oasis. The source giving life. I could hope again. I worked hard, like a damned soul to be closed to you. When I see you dressed in officer close to Alexander, the way you look at him, I knew you were lost for me. But I thought that even if I couldn't be loved by you. I would be near you to defend you with my life. Don't see me like a victim Hephaistion. I chose to be near you. And I took my chance when I saw that Alexander disregarded you. So don't reject me. Or my life will not worth to be lived anymore. Let me stay with you. Let me be the pillar you need sometimes even if you will never admit it. I can help you and carry your pain on my shoulders, even if I am not a king but a simple soldier. »

Moved, Hephaistion looks at the man like if he discovered him. Amazed by his words. Nobody has talked to him like this for such a long time. His words are like balm on his wounded heart. He raises a hand to the scarred cheek of the other man.

« No, not a simple soldier, you own a knight's soul. »

Hephaistion has a sad smile and adds :

« I see you now. »

« I know. »

The tall man bows and kisses him.


	5. Jealousy

Sequel of Soft Revenge and Recognition.

* * *

_**JEALOUSY**_

* * *

Alexander half hidden behind the curtain looks into the surgery tent. Again they win the battle but, each time Victory brings too its lot of victims. Inside, smell of blood mixed with fear's sweat and some perfume of balm invade the atmosphere. While groaning and cries of pain break from time to time the silence. Alexander will never be accustomed to that, he is the one who brings those men to war. He is the one who is responsable of each of their wounds. And it breaks his heart.

But right now, it is not his preoccupation. Isolated from the rest, a man in a bed, lying. At his bedside, Hephaistion. The two men talk. From where he is Alexander can see Hephaistion's concern for the man. He is so rare to Hephaistion to show such interest for one of his men. That's intrigued Alexander, but he has other things to think.

He goes to leave when he sees one man's hand slides on Hephaistion's thigh and rides up under the chiton. Alexander is frozen. How does he dare to show this lack of respect for his officer ? But, to his astonishment, Hephaistion doesn't push away the hand. Alexander sees him to blush and to smile. The gesture so intime, so possessive, brings a wave of anger in the heart of Alexander. He feels betrayed. He would like to tear away Hephaistion and to kill his rival.

He enters in the room and leads to Hephaistion. The wounded man in seeing him removes his hand slowy but his eyes challenge Alexander. He tightens his fists. He would like to punch the other man. But he chooses to address to Hephaistion.

« I need to talk to you. »

Seeing the embarrassment and hesitation of Hephaistion, he adds with a anger barely hidden :

« Now ! »

Hephaistion follows Alexander in his tent. During a moment the King, paces in the room looking at his lover.

« How do you dare ? »

Coldly Hephaistion asks :

« Dare what ? »

« To take another man in your bed. »

« It is none of your business. »

« None of my business ! You are my lover. »

« Really ? When was the last time you made love to me ? Are Lover not supposed to be together ? But you prefer to pass your time with your eunuch or your wife while you put me aside. » »

« You are my Patroclus but Bagoas is my Antiloque(1) and… »

Hephaistion cuts his King with irritation.

« Oh, I know the song and Roxane is your Briseis(2). Unless, it is the reverse in regard of the temper of Roxane and the femininity of Bagoas. »

He adds mocking.

« I don't see any fun in this situation. »

« Neither I. But derision helps me to survive your abandon. »

Alexander defends himself.

« I never abandon you. »

« You never change Alexander. Even in front of the evidence, when you fail, you refuse to admit your defeat. You are too arrogant. »

Alexander counter-attacks.

« Who is he ? »

« Nobody. »

« Nobody, really ? So if he is nobody I can clear him from my army. »

Hephaistion tightens his fists in anger.

« How do you dare ? If you do that Alexander… »

Alexander full of anger, comes closer to Hephaistion.

« What ? Do you dare to threaten me ? You forgot that _you are nothing without me._ »

Hephaistion receives the words like a slap in the face. He answers cold and numb :

« No Alexander, it is you. It is you who are nothing without me. »

And without waiting, Hephaistion leaves.

* * *

**_Notes_**_  
(1) Antiloque was a close friend of Achilles, sometimes presented like his lover._

_(2) Briseis was given to Achilles as war prize to be his concubine._


	6. The Search

Sequel and the last part of Soft Revenge, Recognition and Jealousy. I wanted to finish this "Soft Revenge story" by a naughty and frivolous note, nothing graphic just suggested. Enjoy !

_ Alexander has lost his love and maybe more than that but sometimes in searching we find more than we expected. _

Don't forget to let your comment. I start to be famished ! :D

* * *

_**THE SEARCH**_

* * *

The tomorrow of his quarrel with Hephaistion, Alexander has the surprise to hear the wounded man asking for an audience. Curious to learn more about his rival, Alexander agrees. The man is tall, taller than Hephaistion and well built. Despite his wound on his waist hidden by a bandage, he acts as if it was nothing, a peccadillo. It says enough about the man.

Sat at his desk, Alexander acts like if he is busy, reading a paper. But if someone asked him, he would be unable to say the subject of the letter. With a cold and nonchalant tone, he says as if it was without interest :

« What is your name ? And what do you want ? »

« My name is Heracles, your Highness. »

Alexander raises a eyebrow from astonishment. Not knowing if he must laugh or cry. His Hephaistion stolen by Heracles himself.

« Heracles, really ? Continue ! »

« Hephaistion has disappeared. »

This time, Alexander feels more than concerned. He gives up the letter on the desk.

« How so ? »

« The last evening, he didn't come back. Usually we… »

Alexander cuts him.

« I am not interested to know what you do together. Are you sure of what you advance ? »

« Yes, your Highness. After I came back from the surgery tent, I have waited him all the night in his tent thinking he must be with you. But his page said to me that he saw him left your tent early in the evening. And I have searched everywhere in the camp. It seems he has disappeared and his horse too. I ask permission to your majesty to go and search him. »

« All right, but I go with you. »

He calls a page and give his instructions. Some minutes later Cleitos enters in the tent.

« I need a light escort ready as soon as possible. Say to Crateros to take the commandment of the camp. And ask to the guards in duty yesterday evening if one of them saw Hephaistion left the camp. »

« Yes Alexander. »

Some times later, Cleitos comes back with a soldier this one tells the direction that Hephaistion took. Adding that this latter seemed really disturbed. Alexander could feel on him the questioning gaze of Heracles, but he avoids it. He knows he has his part of responsibility in Hephaistion's disparition. But he has his pride too and he will never admit it in front of a stranger.

After hours of search they didn't find any clue of where Hephaistion could be. The anxiety takes the two men. A silent grows between them, fulfilled of resentment for one and guilt for the second. They are now following a craggy path. And to harden the things, the signs of a tempest start from afar. A current things in this landscape of mountain. The snow didn't ease either their way.

Even if they say nothing, the two men fear that if Hephaistion is wounded somewhere in these mountains, he will not survive the night. The difficulties of the path force them to dismount and to walk in line. As speed as a snake the tempest arrives on them obliged them to find a shelter for men and horses. The tempest worsens to a point they can't see anything as far as half a meter. The wind so strong avoids them to communicate.

The horses feel more and more nervous. Something is wrong. Bucephalos gives a kick and escaping from the hands of Alexander, hurries to go forward, pushing Alexander to run after him and to join Heracles and his horses. Then follows a terrible sound. Alexander is pushed by a hand against the cliff that erects above them, escaping a fall of stones. By far, he seems to hear some cries of pain from his men and horses. But behind him the path now is closed.

Heracles and Alexander are separated from the others. In the tempest, they can't wish to have some news. Heracles puts a hand on Alexander and shouts as loud as he can that they have to find a safer place. Alexander nods. He feels powerless and he doesn't like this feeling. Looking with some anger at Heracles who leads the walk. After all it is all his fault, he thinks. Not being honest with himself. If this one didn't come between his Phai and himself, all this situation will never happen.

For what seems hours, they continue to go forward. As quick as it came, the tempest stops. Letting behind only a heavy silence. No sound, no smell as if the altitude annihilated all around them letting only a mineral world made of water, stone and wood. Even so a feeble sound could be heard. Some cries of agony. Heracles and Alexander look at each other with some anxiety. They hurry to see from where comes from this sound. Later, they find below a horse that tries to stand up straight without success on the slope. Alexander recognizes as soon as Hephaistion's horses. But no tracks of Hephaistion around.

The two men know they can't count only on themselves from now to find Hephaistion. The soldiers must have returned to the camp to find some help. And then, they will come back to rescue them. But in waiting, they have to find Hephaistion and a place to stay before the night fall. Or any of them will be able to survive.

Heracles takes a rope on his horse. They try to find a way to go down. Slowly they find their way. Close to the horse, they can see the problem. Hephaistion's horse has a broken leg and some deep injuries on his flank. The horse is agonizing. The two men look the animal with sadness. They know that in this case there is only one solution. Heracles bends down, strokes the animal and whispers him soft words. Then taking his dagger he slices the throat of the horse with a sure move. His throat is tight, Heracles has always loved this beautiful horse. Standing up and without looking at Alexander, he states with a mixing of anger and sadness :

« It is all your fault. »

In front of this accusing tone and despite the guilt who invades him, Alexander feels his anger is growing up.

« My fault ? my fault ? You have some nerve. If YOU didn't come between Hephaistion and me, all this would never happen. »

« YOU gave him up. YOU ! Not me ! He would never accept to take me in his bed if you… »

But before he has time to finish his sentence Alexander hits him. The simple fact to imagine the two men together is unbearable. The two men fight. Heracles can be tall but Alexander is stronger and lively. Alexander takes the advantage a moment before to lost his balance cause of a rock hidden by the snow. Alexander finds himself falling on the ground then turning over to stand, he sees Heracles his dagger in his hand. During a moment Alexander didn't know what to think, so with some provocation he asks :

« Do you intend to kill me ? »

« And to lost the trust of Hephaistion ? Certainly not ! I am not stupid. »

Placing his dagger in his belt, he holds out his hand to Alexander. After some tiny instant of hesitation, this one takes it and lets Heracles helps him to be up. Not so far a color mark on the ground attracts the attention of Alexander. He recognizes the coat of Phai.

« Here ! — He shouts — He is here. »

He runs in hurry to the form half hidden by the snow, following by Heracles. Some blood on the snow. He has a cut on the head and bleeds. His lips are blue, he must be frozen. Alexander fears that even if the fall has not kill him, the cold will surely finish the work. They try to wake him up without success. When all of sudden a howl is heard. The two men look at each other thinking the same : wild beasts. They have to find a safe place quickly. Looking at the cliff around, they finally find what they search : a cave. Heracles takes Hephaistion while Alexander on the way bring woods for fire.

With difficulties they arrive to their aim. Inside the cave is big enough to let pass the horses. While Alexander prepares the fire, Heracles returns to search the horses. With some fur covers they prepare a bed for Hephaistion. Between the heat of the horse and the one of the fire, soon the temperature become more bearable.

« How is he ? »

Heracles asks to Alexander.

« He has a cut on the head not really serious and his ankle too is wounded. » »

« So why he doesn't wake up. »

« The knock on the head must have been hard, and he stayed in the cold too long. We have to warm him. Help me to undress him and undress yourself too. »

« What ? »

« With this coldness the only way to warm him is to be be skin against skin. And our clothes are wet. »

Alexander undresses too and lays against Hephaistion. Heracles does the same and adds on them a fur cover.

« Rub him ! That will help too ! »

After a long moment, where they rub and massage the body of Hephaistion, this one seems less cold. The blue of the lips has disappeared. During hours Heracles and Alexander watch over him. Bond by their worry towards Phai, they talk long time. And all naturally the topic was what they love and share : Hephaistion. The two men realizes that despite their first argument, they have a lot in common. Looking at and listening to Heracles, Alexander must recognize that Phai has good taste. He discovers the unconditional love that the warrior has for his officer. He is not surprised. After all, HE too is Alexander and can inspire such a devotion. On these minds, Morpheus comes and closes their eyes on this exhausting day…

On the morning, outside the snow falls, spreading a veil of silence on this world. The only sounds are the one of the fire and from time to time the horses who snorts. Leaning on his elbow, Alexander looks at Heracles asleep close to Hephaistion. What he said is true, he is the only responsable of this whole situation. How could he deny it ? He sighs.

His gaze crosses open blue eyes.

« Alexander ? What is it happened ? »

The young officer seems dazed and confused.

« Do you remember ? You fell with your horse after you left the camp. »

« Oh ! »

Then feeling another body against him. He looks at the warrior asleep beside him.

« Heracles ? »

« Yes. He was worried, because you disappeared, so he came to me. »

After an instant he whispers :

« I am sorry. I was rude and unfair with you. I know that it was all my fault. But please don't play this game again. Do you realize how we were worried Heracles and myself ? »

With a smile Hephaistion repeats :

« Heracles and myself ! »

« What ? »

« Nothing ! I am just surprised. Some hours ago you wanted to throw him out of the army and now it is « Heracles and me ». Have I to be jealous ? »

Hephaistion teases. Alexander rolls his eyes.

« Hilarious ! Really ! It seems the knock on your head was not hard enough to bring some wisdom in this pretty head. »

Hephaistion bursts out laughing, but as soon as holds his head in his hand.

« Oh by Zeus, my head ! I have such a headache. »

« Thank you Father ! You avenge me. » — Mocks Alex.

They heard Heracles laughs behind them. Alexander smiles and thinks that, after all, the situation could have been worse. He could have lost Hephaistion. Some shivers run through him in retrospect. Yes, the Gods sent him a warning. What will he become without Phai ? Would his dreams have any sense without him ? Would his life have any sense without him ? At this thought, looking at Phai, his eyes become teary. With deference, he bows and puts a kiss on the shoulder of Hephaistion, shivering. He closes his eyes and lets there his head. To feel the warm and living skin under him makes him want to cry.

Feeling the distress of his lover against him, all mockery disappears. Without a word, he looks at Heracles who nods in response. Being up and dressing he goes out a moment. Letting Phai and Alexander. Taking in his arms Alexander, Phai whispers him some soft words.

From where he is, Heracles observes Alex and Phai talking. He knows his place beside Hephaistion is nothing compared to the relationship he has with Alexander. He accepts that. He is ready to endure all to stay by his side. He loves him so much. He looks and sees Alexander to kiss on the lips Phai who responds with such passion. He can't help himself to continue to watch, despite the pain who tightens his heart. When the kiss ends, Heracles crosses the gaze of Alexander. Finally sighing, he looks away and shivers. But it is not the cold the culprit. What will be his future now ?

Alexander leaves hephaistion's lips with regret. Raising his head, he crosses the gaze of Heracles.

« You chose well. »

Then he looks at his Phai with adoration, caressing absently the body of his lover. Phai is puzzled.

« Chose what ? »

« Your Heracles. He is a good guy. I allow him to stay by your side. »

« You allow him ! You allow him ! »

Hephaistion exclaims with a feeling rocking between exasperation and amusement.

« Alexander you are the most arrogant person I never met. »

« And proud to be ! »

Alexander adds with a big smile and continues :

« But I have some conditions. »

« Why am I not astonished ? »

« He will become your official bodyguard. »

Hephaistion looks at Alexander with some kind of surprise and contentement mixed. But knowing well Alexander, he wonders where is the trap.

« That's all ? »

« No. My second condition is… That you allow me to share your bed with both of you from time to time. »

Hephaistion blushes open mouth and exclaims with surprise.

« Alexander ! »

« What ? »

« Who are you and what have you done to my Alex ? »

« I was thinking that some spicy moments could be nice to keep going the flame of love. »

« You call that « spicy moment ». Alexander you are such a pervert. I call that lust. »

« I am sure Heracles will not mind. And don't say me this idea didn't cross your mind. »

Hephaistion blushes even more.

« You are… You are… »

Alexander bursts out laughing in front of the expression of his lover.

Heracles calls them at this moment, the rescue was there…

After this episode, from time to time, people could see in the morning their King and the bodyguard of Hephaistion leaving together like accomplice the tent of this latter with a satisfied smile. The guards outside the tent sharing a knowing gaze at their passage. These mornings, Hephaistion skipping the breakfast, would leave his tent very late. And if someone asked to the Guards outside the tent what they did behind the curtain during these nights, they just answered with faces growing red, not letting any doubt of what happened inside.

« They talk »

« Really, they talk ? All night ? »

« Yes, sadly all night long ! »

END


	7. Philommedes

The next chapter, in the series "**Behind the curtain**", another short moment in the life of Hephaistion. For adult only. It seems Phai has some difficulties with his dreams. I hope you like it.

* * *

**Philommedes**(1)

_The feeling of a hand sliding along my skin. I sighed. Heat and shivers run along my body._

_Phai opens his eyes, seeing the face of Alexander who bows and takes his mouth in a demanding kiss. Behind him the heat of another body. A strong arm wraps around his hips, holding him, forbidden him to move. Phai moans trying to free himself but his arms tied are kept by another arm against his chest. _  
_« Sshh ! Stay quiet ! »_  
_A burning heat fills him, almost unbearable at the place where Heracles and him are connected. Straddling Heracles' enormous thighs, his legs spread at their limit. His hard and long sex buried deep inside him to the hilt._

_Alex looks at Phai putting his head back, in the move his hair pulls back on Heracles' shoulder. His eyes are closed. And his lips — half open swollened by the last kiss, reddened by the passion — let pass a moan._  
_« Please… »_  
_« Sshh ! Not yet ! »_

_Alexander in front of them, lets his hand slides slowly from one of the Hephaistion's thighs to his crotch. With his fingers he massages the sensitive place between the anus and the balls sending in the body an intense pleasure. Deeply empaled by Herakles' cock, unable to free himself from his hug, he could only surrender to the unbearable caress. The sensation makes him shake and shudder, bringing tears in his eyes. He pleads Alex to let him free, to let him move. He is sure he will lost his mind and die of pleasure. His quivering and neglected member erected and swelled of desire pleads for more._

_All in continuing his ministration with more insistence, bringing Hephaistion at the edge of the orgasm, Alexander whispers to his lover :_  
_« What do you want my sweet slave ? Are you not satisfy yet ? »_  
_« Please… Master… free me… Aahh … »_  
_« Why would I do that ? Give me a good reason. »_  
_« I will do… Aahhh… all you want… Master… Aahh »_  
_« Good ! »_  
_Alexander looks at Heracles and unties Hephaistion's hands :_  
_« Hold him still for the moment »_

_Then he whispers some words to Hephaistion. _  
_« I want to see you bent on your knees as you take deep in your mouth my phallus while Heracles will fuck you without mercy. »_

_This one opens wide his eyes, a request in them.(2)_  
_« You will do all I want, will't you ? »_

Hephaistion wakes up with a start, sweating, panting and totally aroused. What a weird dream he thinks blushing and confused.  
It is all the fault of Alexander, he thinks. Since his « run away » and the suggestion of a threesome, he can't help himself to have this kind of dream every night.

But the worse is that each time he crosses Alexander, he blushes deeply like a schoolboy. Not daring to look him in the eyes.

* * *

_I am in the palace of Babylon, covered in chains a guard pushes me in a room. Inside a man on a golden throne wearing the emblems of his status : The Great King in person. By his side another man wearing the robe of a priest. The two characters are in the shadow and I can't see their face._

_The guard kicks my legs making me bent and falls on the ground. I realize I wear what it seems to be a sacrificial robe ; white and transparent linen robe that lets few things to imagination. The King's intense gaze makes me shudder in fear and excitement. Without looking away, he intimates to start the ceremony. The priest bows, and all of sudden exited from nowhere a bed is ready. Guards come to me and bring me despite my resistance to the bed where they tie me, legs and arms spread. I feel vulnerable and exposed._

_The priest appear near me, the torch light his face. To my surprise, I recognize the face of Heracles. I beg him to untie me. Without answering he put some things on a table, bottle of oil and other stuff. I open wide my eyes in seeing what he takes and come closer to me. He bear with deference a dildo(3) in gold in his hands. This one is enormous, I swallow hard._

_« Why I am here ? What do you want to do to me? » I ask frightened._  
_« You have been chosen to accomplish the ceremony of Hieros gamos(4). You will spouse our Great King tonight. »_

_He says in showing the King close to the other side of bed. The King has the face of Alex._

_« You have to satisfied him all night long to please the Goddess Inanna. And for what we want to do to you — showing the object in his hand and taking the bottle oil— I think it is obvious. I will prepare you for the ceremony » _

_Under the intense gaze of the two men, deep inside me, knowing I can't escape them, I surrender. As Heracles, bring closer the dildo between my thighs I close my eyes shuddering…_

After this dream, Hephaistion feels so confused and unsatisfied. Blushing to the memory of it all the time. He passes his day avoiding the two men as much as he could. He stays in his tent working, but he has some difficulties to concentrate. Reading again the document he just finished, he curses. This one is full of mistake. He has to start it again. He sighs. It is all their faults, he thinks unfairly when a page of Alex comes saying that the king summons his presence.

Entering The King's tent, his arms full of the maps he brings, he sees Heracles and Alexander in great talk together. At his arrival they stop abruptly as if they didn't want him to hear their words. He sends them a suspicious look, they seems to become really close lately. Under their gazes, he has the feeling to burn. That reminds him his dream and he blushes deeply. Destabilized, he lets fall the maps on the floor. He curses himself to be so clumsy. His hands shaking, he picks the documents. Then wanting to put them on the desk he bumps into a little table, making fall the tray with all the contents on the ground.

In seeing the disaster, he stammers :  
« I… I… Sorry. »  
And without waiting, he flees outside.

* * *

Looking at the strange attitude of Phai with astonishment Alex asks :

« What's happened to him lately ? »  
With a knowing look, Heracles smiles and says :  
« I think he is ready »  
« You mean… »  
Heracles nods, and smiling, adds with a wink :  
« Maybe it is time to put a end to his tension. »

* * *

After this hard day, Phai finds back the quietness of his tent with relief. He only wishes for a good meal and a very long bath before to go to sleep. He is totally submerged in the hot water of the tub. When he heard a noise. Opening his eyes, like in his wildest dream he saw Heracles and Alex coming closer to him with predatory eyes. He swallows resigned and excited. As Alex bents to kiss him while the hand of Heracles slides on one of his thigh, he thinks that it is time. Time to let fall the veil of convention and to free his fantasy…

TBC…

* * *

**Notes**

* * *

_(1) Philommedes is one of the many names added to Aphrodite, his meaning : who love the phallus. I thought it was ad hoc in this case. ;D_

_(2) You have to know that fellatio was the most degrading and humiliating act in antiquity, this kind of « service » was only provides by slave or prostitute. A free man will never accept to do such thing that's why Phai feels so ashamed to have this kind of thought towards his king. And he can dream to do it only under intimidation._

_(3) If you have some doubt about the use of dildo in Antiquity, knpw that :_  
_« The world's oldest known dildo is a siltstone 20-centimeter phallus from the Upper Palaeolithic period 30,000 years ago that was found in Hohle Fels Cave near Ulm, Germany._  
_The first dildos were made of stone, tar, wood and other materials that could be shaped as penises and that were firm enough to be used as penetrative sex toys. Dildo-like breadsticks, known as olisbokollikes (sing. olisbokollix)__[9]__ were known in Ancient Greece prior to the 5th century BC. »_

_(4) Herios gamos : Sacred Marriage._


	8. At first sigh

In the series "**Behind the curtain**", this is the first encounter between Alex and Phai, and how this latter became the eromenos of Alexander. A totally AU version at the opposite of the Philommedes. Rather a romantic one. Comments are more than appreciated.

Only two more chapters before the end of this story. Don't miss the last one a mixing of sadness and sexy stuff. ;)

In the intro of Philommedes, I forgot to thank my readers for their last reviews.  
So I take this line to do it — _Violet bows lower in shame, hoping for forgiveness_ — "Thank you so much for your words my dear readers, it means a lot for me".  
And to answer the unspoken question of Lysis : "Well ! ahem !" — Violet seems to be embarrassed — "No comment !" :D :D :D

For the ones who follow "Nothing is ever finished", I am sorry I have no time until now to translate the first part of the chapter 11 already in line in french. I will do my best for doing it in the following weeks. I have to say that the NIEF story is more complicated to write that I thought at the beginning. But it is all the fault of Hephaistion ! It's not me, I swear. I am innocent ! :D  
I hope I will have more time to write and continue the NIEF story. But be reassured, I will not stop this one, I give you my words. Until the end, my dear readers, until the end…

* * *

**AT FIRST SIGH**

* * *

_I remember this special day. This day when I came at Pella to become a royal page. I didn't know at this period that this day would change my life forever. I was so oblivious and innocent. Yes I remember…_

I am thirteen, tomorrow I'll go with my father to Pella. I am really nervous, My father will present me to the court to become a page. Since my ten years old, father prepared me. I feel pride but also fear. I don't know what will be my new life.

I leave the house and go through the fields. Running to my favorite place. I have the feeling it will pass a long time before I could see it again. I arrive near a river. I walk along the bank until I stop in front of a hidden place. The vegetation opens on a place in circle. A little cliff sits on top of the place where waterfall sinks into a pool. From everywhere vegetation closes the place making like a refuge, a temple. I always came here, a place where I forget the rest of the world. Where I can hide my treasure and all my secrets.

Behind the waterfall, a cave is hidden. In this place, I put my treasure in. An altar to Aphrodite that I made by myself is in the middle. My mother put me under the care of Aphrodite when I was born. I decided to honor her memory in building this altar. The base of this one is a rectangular and big stone lying. I remember how much I suffered to bring it in. On this one a oval and black stone erected. Pelopidas said me once that somewhere else Aphrodite is honored under the form of a black stone. Around I put some shells to decorate. And I brought a scarf in silk that owned to my mother and dress the stone with.

Nobody knows about it. Sometimes I suspect Pelias to know. But, if it is the case, my father's slave never betray my secret.

Each time I can, I came and bring incense and lilies to the Goddess. My father always says that Lilly is the favorite flower of my mother.

I drop off the lilies on the altar and light the incense. Because it is a special day I brought other offerings to the Goddess : a ear of wealth, a branch of olive tree, cherry blossoms and roses. Four of my favorite things I love on earth with the wind and the sound of the waterfall. I bring too a robin in a cage. To offer its song. I know my offerings are modest. I have no gold or money. But I hope Aphrodite will like them.

Today I pray the Goddess to give me the strength to honor my father and my mother in my new duty. I say her my fear to leave this place and my hope too. I ask her to take me under his care in this new life. Today I stay longer that I used to do. I know I will not come before a long time. And a lot of feelings turn in my head and confuse me. I feel excitement but also a knot in my stomach.

I have never left my father before. It seems so strange in a way. Usually, it is my father who leaves and me who waits his return. Life changes of course I know that, I am not stupid. But it doesn't mean it is easy. I can't avoid to feel some kind of sadness too. I sigh. It is time to leave. I open the cage and take the robin in my hand. Like me his heart beats strongly with fear. I caress the bird whispering reassuring words. Then opening my hand I free the bird. I look at him as he flees to turn back home. Envious of its freedom, I wonder when I shall be free to came back too.

With regret I leave my little temple. To my surprise, Pelias is here, waiting.

" I will bring lilies and incense every week. I shall pray for your safety, Little Master."

I know I am thirteen and I have not to cry. But in hearing his words, tears invades me. With a sob, I run in the arms of Pelias and cry like a baby. In silence, Pelias holds me and rubs my back to calm me like when I was a little child. Pelias was always there. I have never saw him like a slave rather like a member of my family. I shall miss him so badly. I know he knows, and me too, I know how he feels.

"Your father waits for us."

I nod and go back home. On the way, I cross villagers working in the field. They say me hello and wish me good luck to Pella. Some young girls run to give me flowers. A woman gives me bread and another one a cake. The same thing arrives when I met the shepherds. Offering me milk and cheeses. I am so moved. I know all of them since my birth. All these gifts and kind words touch me so deeply. I never realized until now how important my father and I we are for them. I smile. I feel like the hero of some old legend. I look at all these faces and promise to myself to not forget them.

I arrive home. Father is waiting for me at the entrance of the villa. I can see Pelias and my father exchange a look. It was always like that. Pelias playing always the role of the mother I have never had. Reassuring father and protecting me all the time. Sometimes, I wonder what kind of relationship they really share.

But my thoughts flee as my father hugs me with force without a word and takes me with a smile in the villa. It is time for our last meal together. Tomorrow will be a new day.

* * *

Pella finally ! After a nice journey, my father and I arrive to Pella. Pelias accompanies us. Crossing the town, the first thing I see is the temple of Aphrodite. Good omen ! I look at Pelias in smiling. No words are necessary. He returns me a smile knowing well what I thought. A beautiful day !

Until I know for whom I shall work, my father and I will stay in the house of a friend. A general called Antipater. I never meet him until now. We have to wait before to meet the King, I ask to my father if I can go to Aphrodite's temple. He agrees to the condition Pelias goes with me. Together we cross the streets of the city that leads to the temple. The city is really big and living. I am so amazed by all. The shops, the people… All is similar but so different in the same time from where I lived. We arrive to a place who opens to the temple. The place is limited by Cherry trees. I smile the blossomed trees are so beautiful. Close to the temple, I stop under one of them. A light wind makes fly some petals of cherry blossom. They fall on me like snow. I smile and hold out my hand to grab some of them.

I turn my gaze. On the stairs of the temple, a blonde teenager looks at me strangely. I go upstairs and cross his way. He follows me with his eyes without saying a word. What a strange guy ! In looking at the temple, my thoughts turn away from the boy, mesmerized by the beauty of the place. I blush in thinking to my modest altar. In seeing inside the offerings brought by other people, I realize how poor is the rose I hold. Reading my thoughts Pelias says :

"As modest as your offering be, this is an offering and the Goddess will love it."

I smile to Pelias. I put my rose to the altar and add the petals of cherry blossom I have kept in my hand. I look the beautiful and impressive statue of the Goddess. I thank her for the peaceful journey and ask her humbly to protect my father and Pelias on their way back. When I leave the temple the boy has disappeared. I can't help myself to remember his particular eyes : a green one and a brown one. So unusual ! I never saw that before.

Back to the house, I meet Antipater and his family. The man has three daughters and seven sons. With so much people, the house is full of laughs and animation. Hephaistion feels a little bit perturbed at first. But quickly he finds his mark. The evening is nice and so living with all this people.

Later, in my bed I think about tomorrow. I will meet again the King and I am so impatient. Behind the King I know the man. A man I like. A man with whom I played when I was little. I never see him in his duty of king. Will he be my friend yet ? My father comes and sits on my bed.

"Are you nervous ?"

I nod without answering.

"Don't worry Son, all will be fine."

He kisses my forehead.

"Sleep now. Tomorrow will be a long day."

I close my eyes. And under the loving look of my father I fall asleep.

* * *

Open mouth, I look at the palace. It is an incredible place by its beauty and what it symbolises. I am proud to be here and to walk in by the side of my father. People say hello to my father with deference and sudden I realize the place he holds in the court of Pella. I look at my father with other eyes. He is so discreet at home, never talking about his duty for the king.

We enter in a place who looks like a reception room. In the room, there is already other boys with their fathers. I recognize Cassander. I say him a wave hello. In response, he nods at me with a smile.

But my attention goes somewhere else, the King enters in the room. In seeing him, without thinking I am about to run to him like I do when he comes in my home. Only just, my father stops me and sends me a severe look. I blush realizing what I was about to do. I have forgotten where I am.

But the scene didn't escape to the King who laughs and winks at me. I smile to Philip while my father rolls his eyes in trying to keep his serious. The boy who accompanies Philip, looks successively at the King then my father and I with a mixing of surprise and questioning. Crossing his gaze I recognize with surprise the boy of the temple. He follows Philip and sits on the same couch. I realize at this moment who he is : Alexander prince of Macedon, son of Philip.

The ceremony opens and follows a short welcome's talk then Philip reminds us our duty as page and asks us to make vow of allegiance to the King and the Macedon. One after another, we are called to receive our assignment and to say our vow. After that the boy called join a space reserved. Strangely I am the last to be called. When I heard my name my heart jump in my chest. I swallow. I feel the encouraging hand of my father. I look at him and cross the room in a dignified way despite my trembling legs. Philip looks at me with a watchful eye as I walk. I stop in front of him.

"Hephaistion son of Amintor from today you will be the page of… your king. Now pay allegiance to your King."

I look at the king with a big smile. I am so happy to have been chosen by him and with proud I say aloud :

"I swear to serve and obey my King and the Macedon in all circumstances."

Then I go by the side of the other pages. I am now a royal page and the one of the King. On the other side of the room I can see my father. On his face I can read the pride too but also a part of sadness. And that's worry me. When I look again to the King, I see the Prince who stares at me. I can't help myself to blush under his intensity. During the ceremony, I could feel more that once the Prince's eyes on me. And that make feel nervous. Why, for Aphrodite's sake, does he looks at me like that ?

When the ceremony is over. I join my father, he welcomes me with a big smile.

"I am proud of you, Son. You did well. Come with me now, I have a surprise for you."

I look at my father with astonishment. He leads me outside the room. There, Pelias is waiting ; beside him stands a young boy.

"When I entered as royal page, my father offered me Pelias to accompany me in the palace. I present you Moeris. From now, he will be your personal slave. He will take care of you."

I look at the shy boy hidden behind Pelias. I come to him and take his hands.

"Welcome Moeris ! I am so happy to have someone of my age with me. Don't worry I will take care of you too. Thank you father !"

Some days later, my father and Pelias leaved Pella. I start my duty as royal page. More than once I have silently thanked my father to offer me Moeris. This one has a gentle nature and grace to him, my life was easier. The King wakes up at dawn, his schedule is really busy and I have a lot to do. I didn't think the life of a king was like that. By his side I learn how a kingdom is ruled. I work from dawn to lunch with the King then he sends me to train and to learn the art of war with the other pages. Even if my life is exciting, the days are so long. I finish my duty often so exhausted that I have not the force to eat or bath. In this moment I appreciate the help of Moeris so much.

During the training, it is nice to be with other teenagers. Sometimes during the training, the Prince come to see us. In the end, all my comrades go to greet him. But I feel too shy to do it. I just look at him from afar and nod at him to say hello. But that's all. Sometimes when I leave he gives me some appreciation about my training. That's make me happy and in the same time I feel so clumsy in front of him. I thank him and leaves. My comrades are not bad with me but I feel apart. Maybe it is because I have been chosen by the King himself. But I feel they all have some retained in front of me.

That is the reason I prefer to be with the King. What I learn by his side is so exciting. The only person I don't like is Eumenes. This one treats me with some kind of disregard. I suspect him to be in love with Philip. I surprised him more than once to follow Philip with such a loving stare that I finally pity him. So I bear with him despite his acid remarks he sends me from time to time.

Today, I have a surprise. In the middle of the morning, Philip brings me outside the city for a ride. Only the two of us. It was so funny to see the expression of Eumenes. We laugh like two schoolchild playing truant.

Philip leads me on a hill who overhangs the city. He looks at the city and says :

"Look at this Hephaistion ! Is it not amazing ? This is my kingdom and one day, all this will own my son Alexander. Don't say him I say that. This brat is sometimes a little too much arrogant."

I look at Philip, I can feel some bitterness in his voice. But I say nothing.

"Do you know I could have been your father ? Your father and I fight for your mother when we were young. Your mother was the most beautiful woman on this earth. So beautiful that she could make blush even Aphrodite. You have her beauty Hephaistion. And that's a problem."

I look at Philip with surprise.

"A problem ? I don't understand."

Philip laughs and adds :

"That's the part of the problem. You have not realized yet, haven't you ?"

"Realized what ?"

"Since your arrival in the palace, my office is become like a castle besieged by an army of suitors. You are worse than Helen of troy, Hephaistion. You trigger such passion around and you don't even realize what happens."

In hearing this words, I blush so deeply and I am so confused. I never imagined…

"It is really embarrassing. I… I didn't know."

"Yes and that's the problem. You are a smart boy Hephaistion. All these past months I could judge your different abilities. And I know how gifted you are. But you are so innocent on this point of view. Even a ten years old boy is more aware of this question that you."

"Oh !"

"Oh ? It is all you can say. You know how much I love your father. That's the reason why I took you under my care because I knew he was worried about you. But I have never thoughts that your beauty could be such a source of conflict between my officers."

"I am sorry. I don't know what to do."

"I have written to your father to explain the situation. Him and I agree on a solution. You have to choose an eraste to put a end to all this."

"No ! I don't want this. Please ! I beg you Philip. Maybe I am clumsy on this question but I have ears and I heard some boys who have an eraste and what they do. I don't want to have… to have…"

"Sex ?"

"Yes. With someone I don't love. I want to find my Achilles. I want to devote myself to him."

To his surprise, Philip caresses his face and smiles.

"You remind me so much your father at the same age."

He sighs and adds.

"I agree to let you time to find a lover. But if the situation become worse with my officers, I will be the one who will choose your eraste. Do you understand ?"

I bow my face and answer :

"Yes my King."

Hearing me using his title, he sighs :

"Don't pout like a child ! It is not my fault if you are beautiful. But if you seduce foreigner ambassadors or orators as easily as you did with my officers I can predict you a great career as diplomat."

They see and heard horsemen come to them. At their head Cleitos who doesn't seem glad.

"Philip ! Are you a fool to leave the city without escort ?"

Then seeing Hephaistion, he adds sardonic :

"In bringing with you… the Angel of contention."

"Calm down Cleitos ! The boy has nothing to do with my decision."

Cleitos looks at Hephaistion with a lustful gaze.

"Why don't you give him to me and put a end to this silly war ? I should have great pleasure to make his education."

For only response, Philip and Cleitos heard a horse flee.

"Hephaistion ! Cleitos follows him from afar but don't push him, understand !"

"You are too weak with this boy… like with his father."

"Pouah ! Always this silly jealousy Cleitos ! It's the past and none of your business. Do as I ask !"

"As you wish Philip. But I can't help myself to think you are wrong."

Cleitos follows Hephaistion while Philip goes back to the Palace.

I run as if I am pursued by a demon. I need to find some peace. At this moment I miss my father and Pelias so strongly. I would like to have never leaved my home. But it is impossible. So I head to the only place where I know I will find back the peace : the temple. I dismount as soon as I am at the bottom of the temple and run in the stairs. In front of the Goddess I fall on my knees. By chance there is no one in the temple and I can let my tears run without restriction. I talk to Aphrodite and say her all my talk with Philip. I ask her to help me to find my Achilles. I don't want to be touched by a man I don't love. This sole thought make me shake in fear and disgust. I let my head fall on the ground and beg the Goddess for his pardon having only my tears as offerings. How long did I stay on the ground, sobbing ? I don't know. During all this time, I didn't pay attention to what was around me. Then finally I dry my tears and leave the temple. On the bottom, Cleitos is there holding my horse and his one.

He didn't say anything about my state, but I could feel his gaze on me. Without a word, we run back to the palace, while on the top of the stairs, hidden, a young man observes the two riders leaving.

* * *

The full moon is high in the sky. I thank her to have lightened our way during our escape. I look at Moeris, he prepares some food for our meal. I couldn't take much. So we have only bread and some fruits. We eat in silence. I thought to Philip and close my eyes. I feel so bad, I feel like a traitor. I take a terrible decision but I have no choice.

Having not found a lover, tomorrow Philip will have to choose an eraste for me. The problem with the officers has become worse. Some of them have even fought cause of me. Cause of that Philip has taken the decision to put an end to all this. I have tried to change his mind, but nothing worked. I lost my temper and shout that I prefer to die rather than to let an unknown touches me. I only win to be banished in my room for two days. I use these moments to prepare my escape with the help of Moeris. And at night we fled together.

Moeris kneels in front of me and holds me out my food. But I refuse with a wave of my hand. I have a knot in my stomach. I can't eat.

"Try to eat Master. You didn't eat anything since two days. That worries me."

I see his concern and caress his cheek with a smile. I like him so much. I would never thank enough my father for this meeting. Days after days, we have learnt to know each other and I think of him more like a friend than a slave. I confide all to him. I trust him so much.

"You are so kind with me Moeris. You are certainly the only person that I can trust except my father and Pelias."

He blushes and smiles.

"I know that in bringing you with me, if we are taken you will share my punishment. So promise me to hide you the best you can if we are found."

A the same moment I say that, we hear some noises. Yes, sounds of horses. Maybe some thieves. I stand and take my sword ready to fight and tell to Moeris to do as I said. But he refuses and stays behind me. I have no time to argue, a group of riders is already in front of us. I hear my name. No, not some thieves, but men of Philip. I recognize the companions with whom I train. The one called Ptolemy dismounts and says :

"We came to bring you back to Pella son of Amintor."

"Sorry, say to Philip it is out of question."

"It is not Philip who sent us."

His answer takes me aback.

"Not Philip ? But who ?"

"Me !"

I see the men move aside to let pass Alexander. I am surprised, I can't say anything. Then, without leaving his gaze from me, he gives order to dress the camp for everyone. I swallow with difficulty. I feel my head spinning. And all become black…

Some voices coming from afar :

"What does it happen to him ?"

"He refused to eat since two days."

I recognize the voice of Moeris. The feeling of a hand on my hair stroking slowly. I sigh and whisper :

"Dad ?"

Hearing laughs, I open my eyes on Alexander's face. I realize that i am lying on Alexander's laps. I sit up straight as if a bee has bitten me. I feel so embarrassed. Around me the hilarious faces of the alexander's companions.

Ptolemy winks at me and says :

"Don't worry man, Alexander likes to play doctor."

I smile tentatively even if I found the situation strange.

Moeris holds me out a plate and pleads with me for eating. I do it more to please Moeris than by hunger. I swallow with difficulty each bite. Seeing that, Alexander says :

"Maybe you worry too much. Maybe there is other solution than to flee."

"I don't see any other one."

The image of a stranger touching my body almost makes me puke. I stop to eat.

"I don't want… I don't want to…"

"To be touch by a man you don't love."

Alexander adds. Hearing my own words, I stay open mouth by surprise.

"Yes."

"If I say that I have a solution but you have to follow us to Pella, will you come with us ?"

"Why should I have to trust you ?"

"Because I think you have no other choice. Your decision is just a delay but doesn't solve anything and will give birth to tensions between our two fathers. It is not what you want, isn't it ?"

I sigh.

"At least could you let me until tomorrow to think about it and to answer you ?"

"Of course. Night is a good counselor."

When I wake up the tomorrow. Only Alexander was awaken but I couldn't see him anywhere. Certainly he is relieving himself somewhere else. I walk in the clearing to observe the sunrise when I heard a voice :

"Have you take a decision ? Will you come back to Pella with us ?"

He lays against a tree.

"Can I entrust you ?"

"I shall not deceive you. You have my words."

Looking Alexander fixedly in the eyes in a tensed silence, I answer :

"I came back with you."

"Wonderful !"

He wraps an arm around my shoulders and brings me back to the camp.

"It is time to wake up the marmots and to breakfast…"

* * *

When I arrive in the private room where Philip receives his officers, are there Alexander and his companions too. I feel terrified to say the truth. I look at Alexander wishing something, anything who can save me. The Prince has refused to say him how he intend to save me. And I don't like this situation at all. I feel impotent and weak in the middle of this room under the gazes of all this men. The only one who didn't look at me is Alexander. He avoids all eyes' contact with me. But Ptolemy smiles to me and I thought maybe it is part of his plan. I take a long breath to calm me and wait.

Philip explains the situation. He said with severity how he is deceived by the attitude of some of his officers. So to put a end to all this, he has decided to give an eraste to Hephaistion.

"To avoid all jealousy among my officers, I decide to give Hephaistion… to my own son Alexander."

The sentence exploses to my ears. I look successively at Philip and Alexander, I can't believe what I heard. What is this joke ?

Some officers protest saying that Alexander is too young. The King confirms his decision and without delay closes the assembly.

I profit of the confusion to leave and run to a garden to think about all this. I feel so stupid. I hear paces behind me, knowing well who is there without turning I say :

"You know that I would never agreed to that. You made fun of me. You said you wanted to help only to make me fall in your trap. I don't want to have an eraste. You betray the trust I put in you. I will never believe you again."

Alexander says no word. I turn to face Alexander.

"You don't answer ? Maybe because you realize the ridiculous situation in which you put us."

"Ridiculous ? I don't see something ridiculous."

"Really ? Are you nuts ? We have the same age and only thirteen years old."

"I have already killed my wild boar. You haven't. I am already a man. And in this respect, I can take an eromenos."

"You are short."

Alexander bursts out laughing.

"What kind of pathetic excuse is that ? You seems to run out of argument, Darling."

"Don't call me that ! You have not kill a man yet to pretend to be my eraste."

"But I am a prince… And what if it was the choice of Gods ?"

"What ?"

"Think about it. The first time I make a wish to the Goddess, I met you and the second time when you wish to find a savior I was there. It can't be a coincidence. It is the will of Aphrodite."

"Her will ? What was your wish ?"

"What ?"

"The first time we met. What wish do you ask to the Goddess?"

Alexander blushes but without giving in he says :

"I ask to find my soul mate, to find my Patroclus."

"Oh !"

"Hephaistion, I know our situation is out of norm. But I ask you to listen what I have to say to you, please."

"I listen."

Alexander takes a long breath and looking at Hephaistion, he says :

"The first time I saw you, you appeared to me behind the curtain of cherry blossom. A rain of petals surrounded you and dressed your hair of a blossom veil, while you held in your hand a rose whose the delicate tint was so similar to your skin. You looked like Eros himself. Your smile like an arrow drilled my heart. Your laugh, by his soft and pure music, enslaved my mind. And when I cross your eyes so beautiful I knew I was definitively lost. What could I do in front of such a perfection ? During the training, you seems so distant. And I didn't dare to go to you. I felt so imperfect contrary to you. With my father you seems to share a link that I wasn't able to built between us. He praises you so much and holds you in great esteem despite your young age. How could I win against you ? How could I make you understand what you represent for me ? I know what I do. You are pure. So innocent sometimes. I take advantage of it, I admit. But it was my sole way to make you realize my presence. You avoided me so much. I don't say it is an excuse. I don't ask you to love me. But at least would you like to be my friend ? Learn to know each other and make abstraction of this eraste's story."

Even if Hephaistion doesn't want to admit it, he is moved by Alex's words. But he is too stubborn to give up so easily and answers, irritated :

"How could I ? While we are talking, all the court knows already the news."

"Don't worry ! Knowing the court in Pella as I know it, soon enough a new scandal will drive the gossip on other than us. My father wants to send me with some of my friends in Mieza to learn under the care of Aristotle. As soon as we will go there everyone will forget about us."

Hephaistion sighs. What is done is done. And he knows that Philip will not let him another choice.

"I have my conditions."

"I listen."

"Promise me to not demand to have... sex with me." — He says blushing.

"I promise at one condition, accept at least that I could kiss you. I don't want to loose face in front of my friends."

Hephaistion looks at Alexander with suspicion, but he can't see only sincerity in this eyes. So he agrees with a sigh.

With a smile Alexander holds out his hand.

"Come on ! I will show you my room."

_In taking his hand and choosing to trust him, I sealed my destiny. At this instant, I didn't know that I took the first step to a long path together that would bring us to a new world…_

_TBC…_


	9. Under the veil of incertitude

When Alexander leaves the Macedon in exile, a conflict raises between Philip and Hephaistion. This latter will discover a new aspect of Philip that will crack apart his certitudes.

* * *

UNDER THE VEIL OF INCERTITUDE

* * *

_You will leave to be a soldier, and you are just a child_

_So tender and innocent ! Do you know what you do ?_

_Change your mind, do you want ? Who did convince you,_

_To arm your hand with a shield and a spear,_

_To hide under a helmet a face, so pretty ?_

_He will be glad the one who, under his tent,_

_New Achilles, will have for his nights this Patroclus.(1)_

_Hearing the teacher in art to recite the last sentence, Hephaistion crossing the intense gaze of Alexander can't help himself to blush deeply. His reaction doesn't pass unnoticed to the other boys who giggle like silly idiots._

_It has been two years since he become the eromenos of Alexander. But contrary to what the prince said to him at this period, people didn't lost interest in their affair. Even after they leaved Pella to Mieza._

_« Silence ! » The teacher orders. As soon as the calm comes back he questions : _

_« What did the poet wanted to express through this lines ? »_

_« That he is a coward ! I mean I think it is a great honor to enter the army and fight for the King » _

_First Philotas answers._

_« It is a defendable point of view, but not the answer to my question. Next one ? »_

_Another boy says :_

_« He is jealous because he will not be the one who will fuck Patroclus under the tent. »_

_The other student laugh at this remark._

_« Thank you for this so poetic answer. » says ironically the teacher rolling his eyes._

_« And you Hephaistion have you an opinion ? »_

_« I think the poet speaks about incertitude of sentiments, resignation and loss. »_

_« Develop »_

_« I mean, in the first part of the poem, the poet fearing to lost his lover on battlefield, prays him to change his mind. He seems to be uncertain about the feeling of his lover toward him, cause of the who-did-convince-you, showing some incertitude. In the end, he resigns himself knowing that, surrender by other men, this one will certainly forget him, in finding true love in other arms. That's why he makes reference to Achilles and Patroclus in his last sentence. »_

_« Well done Hephaistion ! It is a clever answer. As your comrade demonstrated it… »_

* * *

Seeing Alexander moves away with his mother and his companions (2), in a flash this past episode of his life comes back to his memory. He trusts Alexander's love, but, as the poet, he fears to lost his lover. Why did Alexander not listen to him ? He feels the anger growing in his heart. Anger toward Alexander. Anger toward Philip.

A guard comes to him.

« The King summons you right now. »

Clenching his fists he follows the guard in silence.

In the King room, this one is sat at his desk, writing. He sends a short look to Hephaistion. In seeing his angry face, he asks :

« What with this face ? »

« You could have chosen another way to resolve this problem. If you were not so drunk… »

« We were all drunk for Zeus' sake, and that didn't excuse my son to disobey me »

« Why did you forbid me to leave with Alexander ? »

« You are clever enough to know why. »

Then he returns to his task as if the topic was closed. Finally letting his work he stands up and adds :

« By the way, why do i have to justify my acts in front of you ? I am the King, and my words give legal authorisation. I know you are in anger against me but my son disobeyed me and I had to punish him. He needs to learn in the hard way what it is to fight against me. »

« So I am nothing more than a hostage from now on. »

« Good reasoning ! I know him well, his strong and weak points. In keeping you by my side, he will not be tempted to make foolish things or he will deal with consequences. »

« What consequences ? »

« If my son try to betray me in raising an army against me, I will kill you. »

A cold sweat runs in the back of Hephaistion. Letting the young man absorbs the news, Philip adds then :

« He knows that well. »

« So it is as you are. » says Hephaistion. « I thought I could see you like a friend. How naive I am ! » He adds, disappointed and sad.

« As a man I like you as my own son but, as a king, I can't let my feelings drive me. »

« I don't envy you. »

« Power changes people. Through years, this devours you inside. You will learn this lesson soon enough with my son, Hephaistion. A King is a King. Alexander will not be different when he will take my place. »

« I hope no. »

Philip snorts.

« Don't be so naive ! I know you try to convince Alexander to stop. But despite your shared love, he didn't listen to you, did he ?»

Philip pauses, letting Hephaistion digests the fact.

« I know you since a long time, boy. Like Alexander, a head full of idealistic thoughts with dreams of glory in war and conquest. Achilles and Patroclus at the eve of their life running to their fates. »

He said pacing to the window. Looking outside, he sighs and turns to Hephaistion.

« But the reality of life collides with the dreams bringing its share of compromises of principles, its petite and grand treacheries, cutting deeply the flesh of our dreams to only let shreds. »

« Have you lost all faith in dream ? »

Philip laughs with bitterness. After a moment of silence he adds.

« Faith ? Alexander is my faith ! »

Philip spreads his arms, showing the world around.

« I have built this kingdom for my heir. That's why I was and I am so demanding with him. He has to be strong but he must learn to follow the rules. One day I hope he will understand what I have done for him. But until this moment, he has to obey me. Even if he disagrees with my decision he has to understand that I am not only his father but I am also his King. »

He shout these last words, in hitting the desk with his fist, making starts Hephaistion.

« From this day, you will not have the right to leave Pella under any excuse. When you leave the palace you will be under guard. Don't deceive me Hephaistion. »

« So I am a prisoner in my own land »

Hephaistion says with bitterness. Philip sighs annoyed.

« If you want to see it like that… Now you can leave. »

Philip says in turning back to his desk and his works. Uncertain and confused, Hephaistion for a moment gazes to Philip as if discovering a new person, then without a word he leaves.

* * *

Some weeks had passed since the King's talk, time instilling such incertitude in his heart and his mind. Hephaistion sighs. Will he have to wait a long time before to see again Alexander. Sat at his desk he read the letter he just finished :

—

_My Alexander,_

_Since your leaving, my days are so boring. Happily, Moeris is with me and does all he could to lighten my loneliness. I languish to see you so much. _

_My routine of the day : _

_Training in the morning under the order of Cleitos. He is a real slave driver. I have to stay totally concentrate if I don't want to fall under his ire. But at least that makes me forget the sadness to not have you by my side… just for a moment. _

_The afternoon when I am not summoned by the king for some duties, I study. I read all I can about the Persians and their culture. I think it is better to know well his enemy, don't you think ? I started to learn Persian language with a Babylonian slave I met in the palace. He is an interesting person, highly cultivated. In speaking with him, I started to think that maybe Aristotle is wrong in seeing them as barbarians. Speaking of our dear teacher, we exchange a lot of letters lately. I didn't explain to him my new condition in Pella, but maybe he already knows. Our talks help me to support your absence._

_The worst are the nights. I miss your arms around me as we talk until dawn, your kisses and… more. Sometimes, I have the feeling to be Penelope waiting his Ulysse. _

_Come back to me as soon as you can. I know you will never put my life in danger but I hope you will find a way to make up, Philip and you. But I know too how stubborn you are. And that makes me fear that like Penelope I have to wait a long time._

_Each night before to sleep, through the curtain of my window, I look the shining stars asking them to send you my hope to see you soon. I wish you can listen to my prayers._

_With all my love_

_Your Hephaistion_

—

As he is closing the letter, the event from the day of Alexander's leaving comes back to his memory : the talk with Philip, the poem. A sentence crossing his mind. At the last moment, he adds some words and seals the letter.

_Change your mind, do you want ? Who did convince you…?_

Some years later, after the condemnation of Philotas, the assassination of Parmenion and the murder of Cleitos, Philip's words will take all their senses in Hephaistion's mind.

But on this day, resigned, he just waited the moment where Alexander will come back and raise the veil of his incertitudes.

* * *

**_NOTES_**

* * *

_(1) Straton of Sardis (Palatine anthology). I translate it from French to English, so all the mistake is mine but I hope I could stay the more closer to the original sense. I know the poet was not in the same period that Alexander but I am sure that the contemporary poets with Alexander could have written this kind of poem too._

_(2) The day of the wedding of Philip of Macedon and Cleopatra Eurydice, niece or sister of General Attalus, this latter provokes a quarrel between Alexander and his father Philip in imploring the Gods to give them a lawful successor to the kingdom. Alexander, being half-Macedonian (his mother Olympias was from Epirus Kingdom) felt insulted and threw a cup to Attalus' head. With result that Alexander left Macedon for exile with his mother. The exile lasted six months before Alexander accepted a reconciliation with his father and came back in Macedon. _

_For this episode, I make the choice to send in exile too his closer companions and friends at the exception of Hephaistion._


	10. Behind the curtain of my heart

June 10th will be the commemoration of Alexander's death. This is my contribution to this moment.

* * *

_Dear Lysis, to answer your review : I know the previous chapter is a little bit out of step. But I wanted to show how Hephaistion realizes in a way what will be his life by King's side. Some decisions that a King has to take can devour him and change him. And I wanted too that Hephaistion realize how much we can be deceived by the ones we love. Life is not a fairytale._  
_And too, I wanted so much to write a scene between Hephaistion and Philip._

* * *

So It is the last chapter of the series, this one is rather short. I hope you have enjoyed the whole series.  
Don't hesitate to let your comments or to send a PM to say what you think about this story or even other ones. It is a real pleasure to share with you.  
In this last one, for once, Alexander will be the narrator. But I stop my talk now. It is time to read. It is your time dear readers !

* * *

BEHIND THE CURTAIN OF MY HEART

* * *

I enter in the bedroom and coming closer to the body lying, I kiss Hephaistion.

« Sorry my love I am late, this lasted longer that I thought »

Hephaistion, for only answer, smiles to me.

I lay on the bed. And closed my eyes exhausted. It was a hard day. I feels light kisses on my shoulder. I smile and turn my head to the one I love. My beautiful Hephaistion, lying on his side, is looking at me. In a light touch like a breeze, he lets his fingers wandered on my skin.

« I have to go, my King »

At his words, I feels a grip on my heart. A pain, so deep, like I have never felt before. Why does I feel so weak today ? After all it is not the first time we will be apart. But today… Today, I feel like something inevitable is running.

« Please stay a little more ! »

« I can't delay anymore my leaving. It is in the order of things. You know it, doesn't you my Achilles ? It will not pass long before we will be together again. I will wait for you my love. »

I sigh. I know I can't change the things. I stop the puckish hand and take it in my own. With a malicious smile I say :

« If you don't stop your little game, I will not let you go for a very long time. »

Hephaistion laughs. I smile, I have always loved his laugh. This one is like a pure sound who always enlightens my heart and appeases my mind. This one has never changed despite the years. How many time before I can hear it again ? How many time ? I tighten my hold on Hephaistion's hand.

« As your hand is icy my love ! You must be cold. »

Again his laugh. I look at Hephaistion. This one looks so serene, I didn't see him like that since a long time. His eyes shine like when we were young. So light, shinning of mischief and love. Seeing Hephaistion to be up, my throat tightens. I feel like a urge that pushes me to say :

« Please don't go ! I plead you. »

« I can't. You know it. »

Hephaistion bents and lets a soft kiss on my lips.

« I will wait for you my love. It is time now. »

I tighten my fists feeling a faint worry invades me.

« Don't worry ! All will be fine ».

I look at Hephaistion as this one disappears behind the curtain, bringing with him my happiness. I closed my eyes. I heard a door to open. I smile and whisper his name :

« Hephaistion »

« My King ? »

My joy goes out. It is only Heracles. Coming closer, Heracles wraps with softness his arms around my shoulders.

« It is time now. You must let him go. »

He looks at my hand. And I follow his gaze, our two hands interlaced. His hand so cold. Looking at Heracles, I search for a denial to what I suspect. His reddened eyes says me all. All I don't want to know. All I refuse to know. Hephaistion is gone. I close my eyes.

Heracles brings me out of the room. Looking behind me, I see the breeze makes move the curtain carrying the outside sound. I freeze on the spot.

« Have you heard Heracles ? »

« Heard what my King ? »

« A laugh »

« No My King, I didn't hear anything. »

I give a last look to the curtain as priests come inside. I hear again the laugh rings. I smile despite my despair.

* * *

I feel so weary. My mind is weary. To fight, maybe to live. My body too seems to give up. Lying on this bed of pain, I look at Hephaistion portrait. Is it my tired eyes ? It seems his face is smiling. I pass a hand on the eyes to clear my blurry view. When I hear a laugh. Feeling the wind in the curtain. I look at it, to see appear my love.

« You are late, my love. As always ! »

He states with a smile. I smile too as a heat invades my heart. I answer :

« Am I ? »

« I have already waiting height long months. I languish alone. »

He says with a cute and seductive pout on his lips. I laugh, all my tiredness is flown. He comes and lays by my side. Moving aside a strand of my hair, he caresses my check. Looking at him I realize how young he looks like. And how I feel old beside him. He puts his head on my chest close to my heart. He sighs :

« I have miss this so much… What are you waiting for ? Don't you miss me too ? »

« Oh ! I miss you, my Patroclus. I miss you so much. Every day. Every hour. »

« Really ? »

I nod in smiling.

« So what is the problem ? »

« You seems to forget that I have an Empire. I need to find the good person to ensure… »

Flippantly, Hephaistion moves and sits by my side, an arm straddling my body. In the move, his chiton reveal a thigh, long and thin, a skin as white as a young virgin. I swallow. Hephaistion laughs to my expression.

« A…Are you trying to seduce me with these thighs of you ? »

He takes my hand and puts it on his thigh.

« Its works ? »

He asks with a lustful gaze. My hand slides on his thighs. I see him close his eyes with pleasure. Like this with his lips lightly ajar, I feel a part of my body that I thought to be dead to wake up.

« Oh ! Zeus ! «

I can't restrain myself, with a forgotten energy I grab him and kiss him with passion. I want him and I want him now. I flip our bodies. An incredible desire to possess him invades me. I haven't feel that for so long. This devouring desire we had for each other when we were young. Hephaistion accepts with delight my ardor. Encouraging me in spreading his legs. I can't wait even one more second. I tear apart his clothes and took him in one hip trust. Hephaistion his wide-eyed eyes, his mouth opened in a mute cry, hold his breath under my rude attitude.

« Oh ! my… Alexander ! » I laugh under his shocked gaze.

« What ? You love it, I can see that »

I say as I feel his hard cock erected between us.

« My ass has another point of view on the subject. »

I laugh and kiss him in apology. Around my cock, his inside, so tight and warm, drives me crazy. I take him. Giving free rein to my frenzy, my impetuosity. Bringing us to the edge of insanity. Making him moan in pleasure and shouting my name. Realizing how much I craved to possess him. How much I miss him.

After the instant of the release, as I came back to the reality, a despair weight invades me. Like a child I sob, inconsolable. Without a word, he holds me in an embrace, stroking my hair a long time. As he puts light kisses on my shoulder, I can feel his own tears dropping on my skin.

We stay a long time like this unable to move, searching in the warmth of the other body a reassurance.

« It is time. »

He whispers. I raise my head. He frees himself from my arms and gets up wearing on his naked body the shreds of his chiton. The image makes me smile. I stand and going to a big box, I take in a coat and a pant in silk and hold him out the both. This is the one he wore some years ago in Babylon. In seeing the coat letting appear his chest and floating around I smile with tenderness. This brings back some nice memory of a certain night. His hair seems longer that eight months ago. My smile turns off as I remember. The serious face of Hephaistion mirrors my own feeling. With a sad smile, he holds me out his hand and repeats :

« It is time Alexander. »

I want to talk but he puts a light finger on my lips.

« Ssshhh ! It is too late for regrets »

He moves aside the curtain, turns to me and holds out his hand. I take a last look around me, on the bed lied my old shell. My gaze turns away, yes, without regret. I don't know what is hidden behind the curtain. But, from now on, taking the hand of my love I let my past behind me. It is time. Time to write another story.

* * *

END OF THE SERIE


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